DEAR PRIME MINISTER TRUDEAU:
Those of us who have children know how difficult it can be to deal with temper tantrums and bad behavior and ignorance in the ways of the adult world. Some days are difficult, to be sure. What you must remember, however, is that when you deal with Donald Trump, you are not dealing with a child. You’re dealing with a dog. A somewhat different set of behaviors are required.
Keep in mind, also, that this is not a good dog; this is a remarkably dull and mean-spirited dog that has been mistreated by the miscreants who raised him. He has learned rage and cruelty and mistrust, and is capable of nothing else. He will attack without provocation in an attempt to establish alpha superiority, and he will try to soil the good people of Canada in an attempt to mark his territory. Recommend you ignore him as completely as possible, but be prepared to put him in his place when he lifts his leg. The American people will back you up, because we love Canada. We do not love rabid dogs.
A Concerned But Admiring American Citizen
P.S. The hotel photograph was a beautiful thing.